Sunday, September 28, 2008

Fantasy writers changing lightbulbs

If you've read any variety of fantasy books, these should make sense and be funny:


Q. How many fantasy authors does it take to change a light bulb?

A1. Only one. But it'll take a long time. They have to prepare an obsessively and redundantly detailed map of the whole room first.

A2. Fantasy authors can't change light bulbs. Only orphaned farmboys, destined from birth to change the light bulb in accordance with ancient prophecy can do it.

A3. Dozens. JRR Tolkien has to go first, to show everyone how to do it right, and then all the rest take turns removing and replacing the light bulb, in very slightly different and generally inferior ways.

Monday, September 22, 2008

TV vs. books

The more I write and read, I realize that I have been fully disillusioned when it comes to adaptation for screen. As a former member of the pure bibliophile club, I scorned at television and movie adaptations of books, bemoaning how the adaptors felt this need to "translate" the story into a "different medium". The book was perfect how it was, there's no need to change it!

Alas, no more. I've watched more movies and television. I've partially written screenplays based on books. I've written novels. I've tried writing original screenplays. And unfortunately—they were all right. All those writers and directors? They were right, I'm telling you.

What do you get in the novels and oral tales, in the good ones? You get narrative description, character thoughts and introspection, and opportunity for stylistic turns of phrase in other places than the dialogue. You don't get chapters and chapters of pure dialogue, but you learn more about the characters through what they say and do than how they move or look.

What do you get in television or movies or theatre, the good ones? You get dialogue, action, subtle visual clues, and opportunity for stylistic tricks with camera movement and other audio-visual gags. You don't get the characters' thoughts or a narrator to explain the history of everything, but even the smallest second of emotion on a person's face and the lighting or sweeping move of camera will tell you more than a thousand words could.

You can't take a verbal and mental medium like literature and translate it word for word into film—it's like trying to translate an idiom literally. Take a book like The Lord of the Rings: the story revolves around using words in poetic and beautiful fashion to set mood and atmosphere, using the thoughts of the characters and the point of view of the narrator to explain the story, with dialogue only when really necessary. Can you take that and turn it to film? Yes. Will it be good? No.

How do you take the Battle of Pelennor Fields and turn it into film? If you take the written words and the dialogue and translate them directly, you'd end up with a play-by-play battle with confusing character interaction. Can we understand simply from actions and words what motivates Merry, Eowyn, Eomer, and Theoden? Not really—the text relies on the narrator and the God's-eye perspective into their minds. In film world, we have to see what they're thinking on their faces—the dialogue could stay the same, but the narrator has to come in the form of acting, camera work, editing, and music. It can be surprisingly effective, but takes just as much work as trying to convey the same messages with words without it appearing forced.

And unfortunately, you don't understand how this works until you've tried to analyze why exactly you were crying at a certain scene in a movie (when you had no previous attachment to the story or characters), and even then, until you've tried to faithfully adapt one of your favorite books to screenplay form. Even if you aren't good at either, the simple act of trying opens your mind to how complex an art film is, separate and apart from writing.

"The movie's not as good as the book." What is that supposed to mean? If it means you liked the book better—sure, that's a valid criticism. If it means that the movie is different than the book, though, then that is not the way to say it. Different does not mean better or worse. There are good books that have made terrible movies, and there are terrible books that made good movies. (And some stories were just meant to be told in one form: not every great movie would have made a better book and not every book would make a good movie.) When one is adapted to be another, they may have the same story and characters, but storytellers for millennia have been borrowing from each other and weaving new stories from old ingredients. The separate stories can and often should stand on their own, and while comparisons are sometimes useful, often they are harmful.


As much as you scoffed when they said it, film and literature are two different mediums that serve two different purposes. Paintings are not the same as songs; books are not the same as movies. They shouldn't be compared as if they were apples and apples. So the next time someone makes a movie out of your favorite book—remember that it will be different. It has to be. When someone translates a German piece to English, no matter how faithful the translation, something will be lost and perhaps something will be gained. It's inevitable, and it serves no purpose to worry and complain about it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Slippery slopes

The more I drink, the more I feel thirsty.

The more I write, the more I want to write.

The more I exercise, the more I want to be physically active.

The more I blog, the more blog posts ideas come into my head.

The more I read, the more books get added to my to-be-read pile

The more I practice patience and self-control, the more I truly want to be patient and controlled.

The more I sleep, the less sleep I feel like I should be getting. Sigh. Patterns were meant to be broken.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

My favorite new music

"It's Dead, Jim" by Warp 11. I'm not a Star Trek fan, but for some reason I really like this song.

"Dark Waltz" by Hayley Westenra. Hauntingly gorgeous.

"Battlefield" and "Storm" by Cirque du Soleil

"End of the World" by Great Big Sea

"Hands of the Potter" and "Wings of the Morning" by Caedmon's Call. Lovely folk Christian band.

"Take Me In" by Kutless. I love this group's worship songs.

"Re: Your Brains" by Jonathan Coulton. Who would'a' thought that a zombie song could be so plaintive? Also his song "Ikea" is great.

"So Insane" and "Everyday Superhero" by Smash Mouth. Just plain fun music.

"Within" by William Joseph. Gorgeous piano music.

"Coultergeist" by Phil Coulter. Ditto.

"Sport Utility Vehicle" by Veggie Tales. My favorite of the recent Silly Songs, but I have no idea why.

"Wizards in Winter" by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

"Forgiven" by Relient k

"Take My Life" by Jeremy Camp

"This is Home" by Switchfoot

Friday, September 05, 2008

Chuck Norris facts...Stargate style

I'm pretty sure everyone knows about the Chuck Norris facts: the usually cute, often cheesy, sometimes LOL exaggerations about the power of Chuck Norris. Even if you (like me) don't really know who Chuck Norris is, the format is witty enough to pull most of them off. And then I found the Stargate version...not only are these more specific to certain character traits (whereas the Chuck Norris ones encompass everything), they make more sense to me because I know what they're referring to, all the inside jokes (plus some more general ones). Again, some are just plain cheesy, but if you know the show and characters, I found a lot of these very funny.


We all know the answer, 42. Daniel Jackson knows the question!

Daniel Jackson is so bad*** that even the afterlife is scared of him.

Teal'c can kill two stones with one bird

Samantha Carter knows the exact location of Carmen SanDiego

God originally wanted 5 horsemen for the apocalypse, but Teal'C refused to ride a horse.

Teal'C and O'Neill played rock, paper, scissors. Teal'C shot rock, and O'Neill shot paper. Teal'C refused to lose. When O'Neill protested, Teal'C punched him in the face saying "I thought your paper would protect you, Colonel O'Neill."

The Dinosaurs laughed at Teal'c, and look at them now...

After the nuclear apocalypse, all that will be left is five cockroaches and Daniel Jackson.

Samantha Carter understands the teacher in Charlie Brown.

Lemmings think Teal'c is behind them.

Someone once told Ba'al that "gullible" was written on the ceiling. Ba'al then wrote the man's name in blood on the floor.

Anubis let the dogs out.

Daniel Jackson doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Teal'c says its macaroni and cheese, then it's macaroni and cheese.

Claudia Black would never win an Oscar for her performance as Vala- because let's face it, who'd trust her with a blunt metal object?

If Daniel Jackson sets foot on a planet, whole civilizations perish just to be studied by him.

When Teal´c uses a sarcophagus , the sarcophagus gets healthier

When Vala goes swimming in the sea the concentration of gold in the ocean drops by 74%.

If Carter says something works, the laws of physics consider twice.

Vala actually stopped talking once.......no wait, just kidding.

Sam can build a working Naquada Generator out of Legos.

Jack may play with a yo-yo but Daniel is a yo-yo. (ascend, descend. ascend, descend...)

Ba´al is so difficult to kill..the other Goa´ulds nicknamed him "Daniel".

How evil is Anubis? Every night, he counts his collection of unpaired socks that people around the galaxy still think they "lost".

Despite the popular misconception, Chuck Norris is merely the distortion of the space-time continuum created by Sg1's overwhelming and unmitigated coolness

Everyone in the universe speaks English because Chuck Norris once said, "Everyone will speak the same language as me." 1 planet raised an objection. It is known as Proclarush Taonas.

We only ever see SG-1 and SG-3 team members because all the other 23 teams consist of Chuck Norris.

If you rearrange the letters in "Daniel Jackson", you get "Cloaked Ninjas". No wonder he can't be killed. If you rearrange the letters in "Vala Mal Doran", you get "Amoral Vandal". And if you rearrange the letters in "Teal'C" you get "Chuck Norris"... 'Nuff said.

There is no 'crtl' button on Carter's computer... she is always in control.

Chuck Norris does not ascend. He pulls the Plane of Existence down to his level.

King Midas touched objects to turn them into gold. Vala Mal Doran touches a gold object and it probably is never seen again.

The Ori never invaded Earth because they were afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

Teal'C calls his Jaffa Staff Weapon "Chuck" and his Zat-nik-tel "Norris"... which is why he is the most feared Jaffa warrior...

Monday, September 01, 2008

Music videos

I don't normally watch music videos for songs I like, because often they're just artsy shots of the singers intermixed with props and settings of the song, which I find dreadfully dull. Occasionally, there's one that tells the story of the song, and they're worth it. But recently I found two that actually enhanced the song, while being worthwhile on their own. Both of them are songs by Nickelback:



Saturday, August 30, 2008

At work yesterday...

We were all having our weekly meeting in the break room, and while some other discussion was going around, one of my coworkers asked our manager:

"So what happens to the books that we throw away? Do they get recycled into paper?"

"No, they're too high a grade for paper," he said, "they get turned into cardboard."

There was a pause as everyone just shrugged and took in the information.

Then Aragorn leaned lazily over the table to look closely at the box of donuts on the table. "Maybe this is one of our books," he said.

There was another pause, and then everyone giggled at once.

"Okay, meeting just went off the track! Dismissed!"

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Looking back on Twilight

You might remember that I reviewed Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series not too long ago. Well, I thought I was well and done with it, until our church went camping this last weekend in Olympic Rainforest National Park. We'd been there before, on the eastern side of the penninsula, but this time we were on the western side...right outside La Push and only 12 miles from Forks.

Yes, Forks. Forks, the tiny town of 3175 people that was unheard of until Stephenie Meyer set her books there. Thousands of preteen and teenage girls want to move there now. So, even though I didn't care too much for the books, how could I resist seeing the real setting?

The first thing I noticed about the town was that they were banking on the popularity of the books. Everywhere you looked there were signs with cute Twilight puns or directions to where you could get Twilight merchandise or tours of landmarks from the book.

Secondly, it's obvious that Meyer didn't live in Forks for very long and not right before writing the book. In fact, you can also tell she didn't grow up in the Pacific Northwest. I could sort of tell this before going to Forks, but definitely now. The books make Forks seem both quite a bit larger and quite a bit closer to "real" civilisation such as Port Angeles and Seattle. All those teens who wanted to move to Forks would very quickly change their mind when they realized that it's 5 hours from SeaTac airport and a good hour drive from any store/restaurant they might recognize.

Thirdly, there were no vampires! And I don't think it was just that I missed them, because no one that distinctive could remain inconspicuous in the real Forks. Now maybe Meyer based the Cullens off of the mosquitoes, who certainly had a great hunger for human blood, but other than that—no vampires. I feel cheated.

And that's about it. I'm not a big fan of the Twilight books, but there was something thrilling about seeing signs with names from a book you've read, and getting your picture taken outside of a contemporary literary landmark. You don't get to do that everyday, that's for sure!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Really...how interesting

How long could you survive in the vacuum of space?
Created by OnePlusYou - Online Dating

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Work and my job

I love my job. I have probably one of the lamest college-kid type jobs in the world, but I love it.

What do I do exactly? I work in a bookstore. But no, not a cool bookstore, where you get to put pretty new books on the shelf and help people find great things to read—no, I work in an online bookstore warehouse. Basically, we take the rejects of libraries of all sorts and put them up on Amazon to sell. And my job? I sort through the boxes of books, trying to find each one’s entry on Amazon, and comparing condition and price to see if it's worth selling. If it is, it gets a code and I put it out on the shelves in the warehouse. If not, it gets recycled. And since I get paid more the faster (i.e. more productive) I am and really only need to care about the physical appearance of the book, it’s not like I get to look through books for a living.

And then there’s all the physical labor. Half my day is spent putting books into boxes, shuffling them from one box to another, or carrying around the boxes. Really, this type of job completely objectifies books until the title, condition, and ISBN are all you see in books even outside of work. And when many of those books are moldy, dusty (= my allergies), falling apart, or "bad content rejects"—well, they're not very attractive objects at that.

But I love my job. I shouldn’t—it is a recipe for destroying everyone’s love of books. Even though I can keep books that we can’t sell and look interesting to me, with so many other things in my life, bringing home every book that looks remotely interesting is a formula for disaster. I do bring home about one or two a day of the thousands that I go through, but almost all of them get returned to the recycling bin after I skim through and realize that they weren’t that interesting after all.

Apart from that, it’s a data entry job—a mundane day of dealing with routines, numbers, and other very dull ideas. I should be bored out of my mind sitting at a desk scanning book after book and carrying around boxes. So why aren't I? Why do I look forward to working full time instead of part time when school starts again.

Well, like so many things in life, I’ve figured out that it’s not the facts of something that predicts your experience with it, it’s what you do with it. I don’t yawn my way through the day for a paycheck, but instead pack my iPod full of music and podcasts. Have I ever mentioned that I love podcasts? I’m subscribed to so many of these wonderful downloadable radio shows that can be geeky, informational, free-books-ala-Librivox, funny, or all of the above, and I’m hopelessly addicted to some of them. Those, along with music, are enough to keep my mind occupied while my hands do the mindless routine work of my job. And I’m not the only one—this workplace certainly attracted the sort of people who don’t mind spending most of the day at a desk with headphones on.

And that’s the other thing that I love about the job—the coworkers. It really has nothing to do with the job itself, as it’s not like I’d recommend anyone else to look for a job like this, because unless it’s my coworkers and my personality to deal with them, I have no idea how anyone else would fare here. But I work with a great group of people. Yes, they can be annoying, and there’s one in particular who I really have to try hard to love because she’s just so annoying, but I do love them all. It helps that they’re all Christians of one type or another, and that we’re all in the same general age group—well, mostly. And even more, as I said, this job by definition would attract a certain kind of person. The sort of person who says “Do you have designs against my water vessel?” and “I am not worthy to sit on that couch” and any other of the quietly dry comments that speckle our shared breaks. We’re all pretty reserved, all freely humorous, and all willing to share, eat, and spend time with each other.

How am I ever going to have another job after this one as my first? Like my first course of college, where all my teachers were outstanding, I’m thinking this job has spoiled me. Because of the routine of the job, I get to have intellectual stimulation through books, music and articles/discussion all day, peppered with much-appreciated physical activity. The coworkers and managers/bosses are wonderful to work with. I’m supporting small independent business and capitalism. The pay is good. I can’t think of another place I’d rather work at, honestly.

Someday, I know, I’m going to move on. This is an entry level job, and unless something remarkable happens, I’m going to outgrow it. But if by some chance that remarkable thing happens and I stay at this job for a long time, I’m not going to be disappointed. One of the most difficult things as a new Christian for me to learn was that God wanted us to work—he didn’t intend us for a life of ease and “free time” and entertainment, as worthy as those things are in moderation. We’re supposed to work hard and with joy for the Lord, and now I understand why. As much as weekends come with some relief, I’m always ready for Monday, and it feels wrong when a sickday or vacation gives me gobs of free time. This is how it’s supposed to be, and it feels that way.

I love my job. And I don’t feel at all guilty saying that.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Gotta love those laws named after people...

# Watt-Evans' Law of Literary Creation: There is no idea so stupid or hackneyed that a sufficiently-talented writer can't get a good story out of it.

# Feist's Corollary: There is no idea so brilliant or original that a sufficiently-untalented writer can't screw it up.

# Morrison's Corollary: There is no idea that a sufficiently-talented writer has made into a good story that can't become annoying in the sequels.

# Holliday's Corollary: There is no plot so stunningly original that a journalist can't make it sound hackneyed.

# Debra Doyle's Rule: If it has horses and swords in it, it's a fantasy, unless it also has a rocketship in it, in which case it becomes science fiction. The only thing that'll turn a story with a rocketship in it back into fantasy is the Holy Grail.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer

Recently, I posted a review of the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer, when only three of the books were out. Since then, the fourth book in the series has come out, and I and millions of others have read it. This won’t be a formal review—there’s nothing particularly greater or worse about this book when it comes to the points I addressed in the previous books. Also, the story follows a similar path. This then, that follows, is a rant/rave stream-of-consciousness style review. And I’ll be spoiling everything so, you have been warned!

SPOILERS!

+ Bella and Edward are married in the first few pages, finally ending that area of tension.
- She shortly becomes pregnant with that awful cliche of science fiction and fantasy, the superbaby who grows supernaturally fast so that the author doesn’t have to deal with a real nine-month pregnancy.
+ A good portion of the book is from Jacob’s point of view, which is much less irritating than Bella’s.
- Bella’s the center of attention anyway.
- Her pregnancy is creepy and gruesome, out of tone for this (mostly neat and tidy) series, even with the vampires.
- Bella’s just as ga-ga about demon spawn baby as she was about Edward, beyond just plain blindness and into madness (though this isn’t out of character, really).
+ Rosalie and Bella bond.
+ Bella is finally vampirized, thus ending the other area of tension.
- Demon spawn baby is born, only to have everyone suddenly fall in love with her (and she gets an awful name!)...is this the same baby that broke Bella’s pelvis with a kick and needs to drink human blood?
- Bella is just as perfect and sickening as a vampire then as she was as a human, and has super special self-control so she doesn’t even need to try to not eat humans. Blegh.
+ Jacob imprints and is happy!
- Unfortunately, it isn’t on some nice girl who deserves him, but on Bella and Edward’s demon spawn Renesme. Argh...
- Bella has even more superpowers that make her the most important vampire ever. Sigh...
+ The ending of the book managed to be page-turning despite all the flaws, and the series is finally over. Finally.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Cure for Diabetes???

http://tinyurl.com/5w8ra8

This is awesome! A possible cure for diabetes!

BTW, the HowToLearn folks have some great stuff on visual therapy, reading and other learning issues.

Donna

Large Hadron Rap

I love science, and I don't love rap, but when the two become one?



I love it!

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Two Things Meme (Clankeeper)

Two names I go by:

1. Clankeeper
2. Dude

Two things I’m wearing right now:

1. A red t-shirt
2. Jeans

Two of my favorite things today:

1. Not having to go to work (Saturday!)
2. Putting together the bulletin for our church

Two things I want at the moment:

1. A new computer
2. A faster internet connection

Two favorite pets I have had:

1. Snowball (dog)
2. Mabel (cat)

Two people I hope will fill this out:

1. Purring Piggy
2. Aragorn

Two things I did last night:

1. Got caught up with the blogs I follow
2. Surfed YouTube for old and/or annoying music videos with PurringPiggy

Two things I ate last night:

1. Pizza
2. Smokehouse almonds

Two people I last talked to:

1. MerryK (about backing up her computer)
2. PurringPiggy (about whether to reply to an email message)

Two things I will do tomorrow:

1. Go to church
2. Do bills

Farthest trips I have taken in the last 5 years:

1. St. Louis (multiple times in the last two years for work)
2. Yellowstone

Two favorite holidays:

1. Thanksgiving
2. Independence Day

Two favorite beverages:

1. Dr. Pepper
2. ZipFizz

Two Things Meme

Two names I go by:

1. Merry
2. My real name

Two things I’m wearing right now:

1. A mexican style t-shirt
2. Long denim skirt

Two of my favorite things today:

1. Apologetix
2. Breaking Dawn

Two things I want at the moment:

1. More time
2. Less things on my to-do list

Two favorite pets I have had:

1. Constance, my first guinea pig
2. Abby, my third

Two people I hope will fill this out:

1. Purring Piggy
2. Clankeeper

Two things I did last night:

1. Finished writing a story
2. Watched the latest episode of Stargate Atlantis

Two things I ate last night:

1. Alfredo pizza
2. Cherry-berry Koolaid

Two people I last talked to:

1. Aragorn, about something insignificant enough to forget quickly
2. The Queen, in answer to her question about some character in something
(I don't talk much... ;)

Two things I will do tomorrow:

1. Write!
2. Go to church

Farthest trips I have taken in the last 5 years:

1. We all went to Yellowstone
2. And we went camping on the Olympic Coast

Two favorite holidays:

1. None
2. None - I don't like holidays

Two favorite beverages:

1. Ice water
2. Chai tea

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Comics pt. 2

Whoops! That post was published before I was done with it. Here are a few others I meant to add:




Comics I found

I've seen a couple other of this artist's comics, and they're always geeky and funny in a sophisticated way, sometimes a bit above my non-scientific head. But this one should make sense to everyone:

Macgyver gets lazy:



There's also this one, way more geeky:



The home site for all these comics is: http://www.xkcd.com/