Chuck Norris facts...Stargate style

I'm pretty sure everyone knows about the Chuck Norris facts: the usually cute, often cheesy, sometimes LOL exaggerations about the power of Chuck Norris. Even if you (like me) don't really know who Chuck Norris is, the format is witty enough to pull most of them off. And then I found the Stargate version...not only are these more specific to certain character traits (whereas the Chuck Norris ones encompass everything), they make more sense to me because I know what they're referring to, all the inside jokes (plus some more general ones). Again, some are just plain cheesy, but if you know the show and characters, I found a lot of these very funny.


We all know the answer, 42. Daniel Jackson knows the question!

Daniel Jackson is so bad*** that even the afterlife is scared of him.

Teal'c can kill two stones with one bird

Samantha Carter knows the exact location of Carmen SanDiego

God originally wanted 5 horsemen for the apocalypse, but Teal'C refused to ride a horse.

Teal'C and O'Neill played rock, paper, scissors. Teal'C shot rock, and O'Neill shot paper. Teal'C refused to lose. When O'Neill protested, Teal'C punched him in the face saying "I thought your paper would protect you, Colonel O'Neill."

The Dinosaurs laughed at Teal'c, and look at them now...

After the nuclear apocalypse, all that will be left is five cockroaches and Daniel Jackson.

Samantha Carter understands the teacher in Charlie Brown.

Lemmings think Teal'c is behind them.

Someone once told Ba'al that "gullible" was written on the ceiling. Ba'al then wrote the man's name in blood on the floor.

Anubis let the dogs out.

Daniel Jackson doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Teal'c says its macaroni and cheese, then it's macaroni and cheese.

Claudia Black would never win an Oscar for her performance as Vala- because let's face it, who'd trust her with a blunt metal object?

If Daniel Jackson sets foot on a planet, whole civilizations perish just to be studied by him.

When Teal´c uses a sarcophagus , the sarcophagus gets healthier

When Vala goes swimming in the sea the concentration of gold in the ocean drops by 74%.

If Carter says something works, the laws of physics consider twice.

Vala actually stopped talking once.......no wait, just kidding.

Sam can build a working Naquada Generator out of Legos.

Jack may play with a yo-yo but Daniel is a yo-yo. (ascend, descend. ascend, descend...)

Ba´al is so difficult to kill..the other Goa´ulds nicknamed him "Daniel".

How evil is Anubis? Every night, he counts his collection of unpaired socks that people around the galaxy still think they "lost".

Despite the popular misconception, Chuck Norris is merely the distortion of the space-time continuum created by Sg1's overwhelming and unmitigated coolness

Everyone in the universe speaks English because Chuck Norris once said, "Everyone will speak the same language as me." 1 planet raised an objection. It is known as Proclarush Taonas.

We only ever see SG-1 and SG-3 team members because all the other 23 teams consist of Chuck Norris.

If you rearrange the letters in "Daniel Jackson", you get "Cloaked Ninjas". No wonder he can't be killed. If you rearrange the letters in "Vala Mal Doran", you get "Amoral Vandal". And if you rearrange the letters in "Teal'C" you get "Chuck Norris"... 'Nuff said.

There is no 'crtl' button on Carter's computer... she is always in control.

Chuck Norris does not ascend. He pulls the Plane of Existence down to his level.

King Midas touched objects to turn them into gold. Vala Mal Doran touches a gold object and it probably is never seen again.

The Ori never invaded Earth because they were afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

Teal'C calls his Jaffa Staff Weapon "Chuck" and his Zat-nik-tel "Norris"... which is why he is the most feared Jaffa warrior...