Chuck Norris facts...Stargate style

I'm pretty sure everyone knows about the Chuck Norris facts: the usually cute, often cheesy, sometimes LOL exaggerations about the power of Chuck Norris. Even if you (like me) don't really know who Chuck Norris is, the format is witty enough to pull most of them off. And then I found the Stargate version...not only are these more specific to certain character traits (whereas the Chuck Norris ones encompass everything), they make more sense to me because I know what they're referring to, all the inside jokes (plus some more general ones). Again, some are just plain cheesy, but if you know the show and characters, I found a lot of these very funny.


We all know the answer, 42. Daniel Jackson knows the question!

Daniel Jackson is so bad*** that even the afterlife is scared of him.

Teal'c can kill two stones with one bird

Samantha Carter knows the exact location of Carmen SanDiego

God originally wanted 5 horsemen for the apocalypse, but Teal'C refused to ride a horse.

Teal'C and O'Neill played rock, paper, scissors. Teal'C shot rock, and O'Neill shot paper. Teal'C refused to lose. When O'Neill protested, Teal'C punched him in the face saying "I thought your paper would protect you, Colonel O'Neill."

The Dinosaurs laughed at Teal'c, and look at them now...

After the nuclear apocalypse, all that will be left is five cockroaches and Daniel Jackson.

Samantha Carter understands the teacher in Charlie Brown.

Lemmings think Teal'c is behind them.

Someone once told Ba'al that "gullible" was written on the ceiling. Ba'al then wrote the man's name in blood on the floor.

Anubis let the dogs out.

Daniel Jackson doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Teal'c says its macaroni and cheese, then it's macaroni and cheese.

Claudia Black would never win an Oscar for her performance as Vala- because let's face it, who'd trust her with a blunt metal object?

If Daniel Jackson sets foot on a planet, whole civilizations perish just to be studied by him.

When Teal´c uses a sarcophagus , the sarcophagus gets healthier

When Vala goes swimming in the sea the concentration of gold in the ocean drops by 74%.

If Carter says something works, the laws of physics consider twice.

Vala actually stopped talking once.......no wait, just kidding.

Sam can build a working Naquada Generator out of Legos.

Jack may play with a yo-yo but Daniel is a yo-yo. (ascend, descend. ascend, descend...)

Ba´al is so difficult to kill..the other Goa´ulds nicknamed him "Daniel".

How evil is Anubis? Every night, he counts his collection of unpaired socks that people around the galaxy still think they "lost".

Despite the popular misconception, Chuck Norris is merely the distortion of the space-time continuum created by Sg1's overwhelming and unmitigated coolness

Everyone in the universe speaks English because Chuck Norris once said, "Everyone will speak the same language as me." 1 planet raised an objection. It is known as Proclarush Taonas.

We only ever see SG-1 and SG-3 team members because all the other 23 teams consist of Chuck Norris.

If you rearrange the letters in "Daniel Jackson", you get "Cloaked Ninjas". No wonder he can't be killed. If you rearrange the letters in "Vala Mal Doran", you get "Amoral Vandal". And if you rearrange the letters in "Teal'C" you get "Chuck Norris"... 'Nuff said.

There is no 'crtl' button on Carter's computer... she is always in control.

Chuck Norris does not ascend. He pulls the Plane of Existence down to his level.

King Midas touched objects to turn them into gold. Vala Mal Doran touches a gold object and it probably is never seen again.

The Ori never invaded Earth because they were afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

Teal'C calls his Jaffa Staff Weapon "Chuck" and his Zat-nik-tel "Norris"... which is why he is the most feared Jaffa warrior...

Music videos

I don't normally watch music videos for songs I like, because often they're just artsy shots of the singers intermixed with props and settings of the song, which I find dreadfully dull. Occasionally, there's one that tells the story of the song, and they're worth it. But recently I found two that actually enhanced the song, while being worthwhile on their own. Both of them are songs by Nickelback:

At work yesterday...

We were all having our weekly meeting in the break room, and while some other discussion was going around, one of my coworkers asked our manager:

"So what happens to the books that we throw away? Do they get recycled into paper?"

"No, they're too high a grade for paper," he said, "they get turned into cardboard."

There was a pause as everyone just shrugged and took in the information.

Then Aragorn leaned lazily over the table to look closely at the box of donuts on the table. "Maybe this is one of our books," he said.

There was another pause, and then everyone giggled at once.

"Okay, meeting just went off the track! Dismissed!"

Looking back on Twilight

You might remember that I reviewed Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series not too long ago. Well, I thought I was well and done with it, until our church went camping this last weekend in Olympic Rainforest National Park. We'd been there before, on the eastern side of the penninsula, but this time we were on the western side...right outside La Push and only 12 miles from Forks.

Yes, Forks. Forks, the tiny town of 3175 people that was unheard of until Stephenie Meyer set her books there. Thousands of preteen and teenage girls want to move there now. So, even though I didn't care too much for the books, how could I resist seeing the real setting?

The first thing I noticed about the town was that they were banking on the popularity of the books. Everywhere you looked there were signs with cute Twilight puns or directions to where you could get Twilight merchandise or tours of landmarks from the book.

Secondly, it's obvious that Meyer didn't live in Forks for very long and not right before writing the book. In fact, you can also tell she didn't grow up in the Pacific Northwest. I could sort of tell this before going to Forks, but definitely now. The books make Forks seem both quite a bit larger and quite a bit closer to "real" civilisation such as Port Angeles and Seattle. All those teens who wanted to move to Forks would very quickly change their mind when they realized that it's 5 hours from SeaTac airport and a good hour drive from any store/restaurant they might recognize.

Thirdly, there were no vampires! And I don't think it was just that I missed them, because no one that distinctive could remain inconspicuous in the real Forks. Now maybe Meyer based the Cullens off of the mosquitoes, who certainly had a great hunger for human blood, but other than that—no vampires. I feel cheated.

And that's about it. I'm not a big fan of the Twilight books, but there was something thrilling about seeing signs with names from a book you've read, and getting your picture taken outside of a contemporary literary landmark. You don't get to do that everyday, that's for sure!

Really...how interesting

Created by OnePlusYou - Online Dating

Work and my job

I love my job. I have probably one of the lamest college-kid type jobs in the world, but I love it.

What do I do exactly? I work in a bookstore. But no, not a cool bookstore, where you get to put pretty new books on the shelf and help people find great things to read—no, I work in an online bookstore warehouse. Basically, we take the rejects of libraries of all sorts and put them up on Amazon to sell. And my job? I sort through the boxes of books, trying to find each one’s entry on Amazon, and comparing condition and price to see if it's worth selling. If it is, it gets a code and I put it out on the shelves in the warehouse. If not, it gets recycled. And since I get paid more the faster (i.e. more productive) I am and really only need to care about the physical appearance of the book, it’s not like I get to look through books for a living.

And then there’s all the physical labor. Half my day is spent putting books into boxes, shuffling them from one box to another, or carrying around the boxes. Really, this type of job completely objectifies books until the title, condition, and ISBN are all you see in books even outside of work. And when many of those books are moldy, dusty (= my allergies), falling apart, or "bad content rejects"—well, they're not very attractive objects at that.

But I love my job. I shouldn’t—it is a recipe for destroying everyone’s love of books. Even though I can keep books that we can’t sell and look interesting to me, with so many other things in my life, bringing home every book that looks remotely interesting is a formula for disaster. I do bring home about one or two a day of the thousands that I go through, but almost all of them get returned to the recycling bin after I skim through and realize that they weren’t that interesting after all.

Apart from that, it’s a data entry job—a mundane day of dealing with routines, numbers, and other very dull ideas. I should be bored out of my mind sitting at a desk scanning book after book and carrying around boxes. So why aren't I? Why do I look forward to working full time instead of part time when school starts again.

Well, like so many things in life, I’ve figured out that it’s not the facts of something that predicts your experience with it, it’s what you do with it. I don’t yawn my way through the day for a paycheck, but instead pack my iPod full of music and podcasts. Have I ever mentioned that I love podcasts? I’m subscribed to so many of these wonderful downloadable radio shows that can be geeky, informational, free-books-ala-Librivox, funny, or all of the above, and I’m hopelessly addicted to some of them. Those, along with music, are enough to keep my mind occupied while my hands do the mindless routine work of my job. And I’m not the only one—this workplace certainly attracted the sort of people who don’t mind spending most of the day at a desk with headphones on.

And that’s the other thing that I love about the job—the coworkers. It really has nothing to do with the job itself, as it’s not like I’d recommend anyone else to look for a job like this, because unless it’s my coworkers and my personality to deal with them, I have no idea how anyone else would fare here. But I work with a great group of people. Yes, they can be annoying, and there’s one in particular who I really have to try hard to love because she’s just so annoying, but I do love them all. It helps that they’re all Christians of one type or another, and that we’re all in the same general age group—well, mostly. And even more, as I said, this job by definition would attract a certain kind of person. The sort of person who says “Do you have designs against my water vessel?” and “I am not worthy to sit on that couch” and any other of the quietly dry comments that speckle our shared breaks. We’re all pretty reserved, all freely humorous, and all willing to share, eat, and spend time with each other.

How am I ever going to have another job after this one as my first? Like my first course of college, where all my teachers were outstanding, I’m thinking this job has spoiled me. Because of the routine of the job, I get to have intellectual stimulation through books, music and articles/discussion all day, peppered with much-appreciated physical activity. The coworkers and managers/bosses are wonderful to work with. I’m supporting small independent business and capitalism. The pay is good. I can’t think of another place I’d rather work at, honestly.

Someday, I know, I’m going to move on. This is an entry level job, and unless something remarkable happens, I’m going to outgrow it. But if by some chance that remarkable thing happens and I stay at this job for a long time, I’m not going to be disappointed. One of the most difficult things as a new Christian for me to learn was that God wanted us to work—he didn’t intend us for a life of ease and “free time” and entertainment, as worthy as those things are in moderation. We’re supposed to work hard and with joy for the Lord, and now I understand why. As much as weekends come with some relief, I’m always ready for Monday, and it feels wrong when a sickday or vacation gives me gobs of free time. This is how it’s supposed to be, and it feels that way.

I love my job. And I don’t feel at all guilty saying that.

Gotta love those laws named after people...

# Watt-Evans' Law of Literary Creation: There is no idea so stupid or hackneyed that a sufficiently-talented writer can't get a good story out of it.

# Feist's Corollary: There is no idea so brilliant or original that a sufficiently-untalented writer can't screw it up.

# Morrison's Corollary: There is no idea that a sufficiently-talented writer has made into a good story that can't become annoying in the sequels.

# Holliday's Corollary: There is no plot so stunningly original that a journalist can't make it sound hackneyed.

# Debra Doyle's Rule: If it has horses and swords in it, it's a fantasy, unless it also has a rocketship in it, in which case it becomes science fiction. The only thing that'll turn a story with a rocketship in it back into fantasy is the Holy Grail.

Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer

Recently, I posted a review of the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer, when only three of the books were out. Since then, the fourth book in the series has come out, and I and millions of others have read it. This won’t be a formal review—there’s nothing particularly greater or worse about this book when it comes to the points I addressed in the previous books. Also, the story follows a similar path. This then, that follows, is a rant/rave stream-of-consciousness style review. And I’ll be spoiling everything so, you have been warned!

SPOILERS!

+ Bella and Edward are married in the first few pages, finally ending that area of tension.
- She shortly becomes pregnant with that awful cliche of science fiction and fantasy, the superbaby who grows supernaturally fast so that the author doesn’t have to deal with a real nine-month pregnancy.
+ A good portion of the book is from Jacob’s point of view, which is much less irritating than Bella’s.
- Bella’s the center of attention anyway.
- Her pregnancy is creepy and gruesome, out of tone for this (mostly neat and tidy) series, even with the vampires.
- Bella’s just as ga-ga about demon spawn baby as she was about Edward, beyond just plain blindness and into madness (though this isn’t out of character, really).
+ Rosalie and Bella bond.
+ Bella is finally vampirized, thus ending the other area of tension.
- Demon spawn baby is born, only to have everyone suddenly fall in love with her (and she gets an awful name!)...is this the same baby that broke Bella’s pelvis with a kick and needs to drink human blood?
- Bella is just as perfect and sickening as a vampire then as she was as a human, and has super special self-control so she doesn’t even need to try to not eat humans. Blegh.
+ Jacob imprints and is happy!
- Unfortunately, it isn’t on some nice girl who deserves him, but on Bella and Edward’s demon spawn Renesme. Argh...
- Bella has even more superpowers that make her the most important vampire ever. Sigh...
+ The ending of the book managed to be page-turning despite all the flaws, and the series is finally over. Finally.

Cure for Diabetes???

http://tinyurl.com/5w8ra8

This is awesome! A possible cure for diabetes!

BTW, the HowToLearn folks have some great stuff on visual therapy, reading and other learning issues.

Donna

Large Hadron Rap

I love science, and I don't love rap, but when the two become one?



I love it!

Two Things Meme (Clankeeper)

Two names I go by:

1. Clankeeper
2. Dude

Two things I’m wearing right now:

1. A red t-shirt
2. Jeans

Two of my favorite things today:

1. Not having to go to work (Saturday!)
2. Putting together the bulletin for our church

Two things I want at the moment:

1. A new computer
2. A faster internet connection

Two favorite pets I have had:

1. Snowball (dog)
2. Mabel (cat)

Two people I hope will fill this out:

1. Purring Piggy
2. Aragorn

Two things I did last night:

1. Got caught up with the blogs I follow
2. Surfed YouTube for old and/or annoying music videos with PurringPiggy

Two things I ate last night:

1. Pizza
2. Smokehouse almonds

Two people I last talked to:

1. MerryK (about backing up her computer)
2. PurringPiggy (about whether to reply to an email message)

Two things I will do tomorrow:

1. Go to church
2. Do bills

Farthest trips I have taken in the last 5 years:

1. St. Louis (multiple times in the last two years for work)
2. Yellowstone

Two favorite holidays:

1. Thanksgiving
2. Independence Day

Two favorite beverages:

1. Dr. Pepper
2. ZipFizz

Two Things Meme

Two names I go by:

1. Merry
2. My real name

Two things I’m wearing right now:

1. A mexican style t-shirt
2. Long denim skirt

Two of my favorite things today:

1. Apologetix
2. Breaking Dawn

Two things I want at the moment:

1. More time
2. Less things on my to-do list

Two favorite pets I have had:

1. Constance, my first guinea pig
2. Abby, my third

Two people I hope will fill this out:

1. Purring Piggy
2. Clankeeper

Two things I did last night:

1. Finished writing a story
2. Watched the latest episode of Stargate Atlantis

Two things I ate last night:

1. Alfredo pizza
2. Cherry-berry Koolaid

Two people I last talked to:

1. Aragorn, about something insignificant enough to forget quickly
2. The Queen, in answer to her question about some character in something
(I don't talk much... ;)

Two things I will do tomorrow:

1. Write!
2. Go to church

Farthest trips I have taken in the last 5 years:

1. We all went to Yellowstone
2. And we went camping on the Olympic Coast

Two favorite holidays:

1. None
2. None - I don't like holidays

Two favorite beverages:

1. Ice water
2. Chai tea

Comics pt. 2

Whoops! That post was published before I was done with it. Here are a few others I meant to add:

Comics I found

I've seen a couple other of this artist's comics, and they're always geeky and funny in a sophisticated way, sometimes a bit above my non-scientific head. But this one should make sense to everyone:

Macgyver gets lazy:



There's also this one, way more geeky:



The home site for all these comics is: http://www.xkcd.com/

How ironic...

...to realize that pretty much only times I get depressed are when other people are being negative. I've discovered that I'm a generally pleased person, so seeing people get upset about things upsets me more than whatever they're getting upset about. Why can't everyone be happy and let things slide?



(Yes, I know it's a personality thing...doesn't make it any less frustrating on occasion, all the negativity in the world.)

The Twilight books - book review

Apparently, I have been following up on all the wrong recommendations. I've never held to the opinion that modern literature is all twaddle and fluff, and yet the more I read of recommended books, the more I have to wonder—is it really true after all?

For those who aren't aware of what is popular among the tween and teen crowd, right now there is a series of books that is "all the rage", even so much that there will be a film made of them coming out in December. Twilight is a book by Stephanie Meyer, a Mormon author who writes vampire and werewolf books set in the Forks/La Push area of Western Washington. There are two other books in the series (New Moon and Eclipse), with a fourth one eagerly anticipated this August. Her stories revolve around a teenage girl who discovers that a family of good vampires lives near her town, that there are evil vampires out there, and that there are werewolves nearby who fight the evil vampires. She falls in love with one of the vampires, and that relationship drives the plot of most of the books.

At first, there seems to be a lot going for these books. There's a strong message of abstinence and morality, not least because the vampire love interest was born in the late 1800s and hasn't changed much. There's also a strong importance placed on chivalry and honor, even though the books are plainly set in modern times. Edward Cullen, though a vampire, appears to be the sort of hero who might be a young version of one of Jane Austen's—mannerly, respectful, self-sacrificing, and honorable.

However, it becomes plain as you read that these virtues are unfortunately drowned out by flaws. It's not as though the author meant it that way—she clearly loves her good characters and seems out to present a moral protagonist that readers can love. Unfortunately, her obvious and blind love for her creations seemed to delude her into forgetting that they could make mistakes.

The first and major flaw with these books is that the heroine is unabashedly teenage. Overemotional and hormonal, quick to say that she will die if she can't have the man she loves, and gush over how perfect he is, she could be a character from the 1700s or a modern teenage girl. Bella never seems to get beyond crush level in her attraction for Edward, despite the fact that she is willing to sacrifice herself for him—it's more that she has made her world revolve around him, so she couldn't bear his death. Her level of attraction is unhealthy, and though it is nominally addressed by Bella herself, Edward, and a couple other characters, the author never seems to totally condemn it, and there is little to no consequence.

The second major flaw is in the character of Edward. While a very decent young (old?) vampire, he also suffers from teenage angst that, you would think after 100 years of life, he would have outgrown. No, he might just as well have been a young human for how maturely he behaves. Not only that, the way that Bella (and the author) gush on about him, you'd think he was perfect. He's not. He's not even consistently written perfectly, it's just that he apparently can do no wrong. It's frustrating to a reader to see a character who could be quite interesting, if only his flaws were acknowledged and dealt with. The same can be said about the first flaw, the character of Bella.

And the third major flaw is that the author is too much infatuated with her own creation. She seems to identify so deeply with Bella that she cannot see the other flaws. Certain characters are discarded for silly, petty, reasons due to Bella's youthful point of view, and certain plotlines are dealt with in very youthful ways, all with no consequences. I have no problem with young characters behaving their age, but when the author seems to think that youthful behavior is not only appropriate but not deserving reproach from the older characters? It becomes a very frustrating situation.

Looking past these flaws, the books are a quick and enjoyable read. Definitely page-turners, though the author doesn't have much going for her beyond that. Too sensational, and the lack of true strong moral characters is painfully obvious. Like Harry Potter, these books are a guilty pleasure, if pleasure is the right word for books that gave me so much frustration.

Prince Caspian: The Movie

I feel so bad for liking this movie. I feel bad that I nearly squeed out loud at the theatre at so many parts, and that even now I have warm fuzzies in my heart from certain parts—even worse, I never got such warm fuzzies from reading the book. Is Prince Caspian a bad adaptation? Yes. But it's a fun movie that only tweaked me in a few places, and as I thought the same about the book, I'm not disappointed.

No, I don't like the Chronicles of Narnia books. Yes, I know that makes me a heretic. And yes, that impacts this review.

Ah, I have so much love for some of this movie, and so much distaste for other parts of it. The distaste first, because bad things should always be drowned out by good. My biggest quibble was the attack on Miraz' castle, which was both stupid and out of place in Narnia. Never mind that it didn't happen in the book, it would never have happened, because that's not how Narnian battles take place. Plus it just made the characters look bad. I understand the need to have failure to amp up the tension, but this was poorly handled.

My more minor quibbles are these. Peter was too belligerent, especially towards a Caspian who was appropriately meek without being a pushover. I don't think the character of Peter worked in the books, as he felt far too unreal a creation, but there was no need to push him so far in the movie. Just plain over the top, making him even less attractive than his perfect cousin from the book. Secondly, the kiss—I could have handled the Susan/Caspian romance when it was limited to semi-subtle googoo eyes that teenagers are wont to indulge in, especially because Susan was supposed to be fond of boys and the most lovely woman in Narnia. However, while I thought Caspian's post-kiss hug was very sweet and appropriate, the kiss was, again, over the top and out of place.

A last quibble, though this is for adaptations in general, is how little of the dialogue from the book was used. This was true of LWW, and most adaptations unless they're something iconic like Jane Austen, but was only annoying when the dialogue was very bad. In general I didn't notice, but there were a few instances which were horribly cheesy, and I noticed with pleasure that Reepicheep's recovery was almost verbatim from the book.

But on to the good! The special effects (or more accurately, the visual effects) were unerringly good and well-used. The landscapes were gorgeous and could have been real or painted for all I cared—they looked epic and Narnian. I greatly appreciated how the living trees were separated from Weta's Ents so that only the slightest of comparisons could be made. And the river man? Simply amazing!

The characters were generally well-acted. I especially enjoyed Ben Barnes' Caspian, as he brought that adorable clueless bravery to light very well, and with a lovely accent to boot. His uncle Miraz was equally well done, and a very nice villain indeed. Edmund shined among the child actors, but then his character was always my favorite—I thought the others acted well, I just didn't like their characters. Reepicheep was as excellent as I had hoped, as were Trufflehunter, Trumpkin, and Nickabrick.

I must give props to the choreography, especially. That duel between Miraz and Peter was one of the most real I've ever seen on screen. Dramatic, long-lasting without being boring, and realistically draining—very nicely planned, acted, and filmed.

The rest of the movie ranged up and down the mediocre scale, as I'm not a big fan of this franchise and this simply wasn't a great movie regardless. Costumes—good; knocking out the columns—not so much. Ruins of Cair Paravel—okay; summoning of the White Witch—not quite. Flipping around the storyline—good; having Caspian confront Miraz in his chamber—not.

But I liked it, and I won't even qualify that. Like almost every movie, I had things I would have done differently, acting I would have rejected, scenes I would have trimmed, lines I would have changed, but that's just perfectionist me. And, as I said, any movie that leaves me with fuzzy warm feelings about it 18 hours later deserves credit. I'd even see it again in theatres, if I had gobs of money to spend.

*snerk*

"In many houses the fridge serves as the communal noticeboard. Messages on the door in magnetic letters are always slightly contrived as you never have enough vowels to say exactly what you want. Messages on the inside are more along the lines of ‘I have measured the exact angle of this slice of chocolate cake. Shaving bits off will result in your disembowelment’." —Guy Browning