Quotes Episode 4: Revenge of the Americans

“A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Karate is a form of marital arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.” Dave Barry

“When we were at peace, Democrats wanted to raise taxes. Now there's a war, so Democrats want to raise taxes. When there was a surplus, Democrats wanted to raise taxes. Now that there is a mild recession, Democrats want to raise taxes.” Ann Coulter

“When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not guilty."” Theodore Roosevelt

“There is nothing new in the realization that the Constitution sometimes insulates the
“Status quo, you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in'.” Ronald Reagan

“Don't join the book burners. Do not think you are going to conceal thoughts by concealing evidence that they ever existed.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

criminality of a few in order to protect the privacy of us all.” Antonin Scalia

“Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.” Ronald Reagan

“The Constitution shall never be construed... to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms.” Samuel Adams

“America does not go abroad in search of monsters to destroy.” John Quincy Adams

“An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.” Dave Barry

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” Bill Watterson

“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.” Pudd’nhead Wilson’s New Calendar

“Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.” Dave Barry

“In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.” Pudd’nhead Wilson’s New Calendar

“In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

“The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.” Albert Einstein

“The most terrifying words in the English langauge are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.” Ronald Reagan

“Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetological phrase.” Dave Barry

“Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.” Pudd’nhead Wilson’s New Calendar

“If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

“I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.” Ronald Reagan

“The most successful politician is he who says what everybody is thinking most often and in the loudest voice.” Theodore Roosevelt

“The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice between saving the life of an infant or catching a fly ball, a woman will automatically choose to save the infant, without even considering if there's a man on base.” Dave Barry

“It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another.” George H. W. Bush

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” Albert Einstein

“The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel," which is what it tastes like.” Dave Barry

“The most terrifying words in the English langauge are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.” Ronald Reagan

“Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage.” Theodore Roosevelt

“If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” Albert Einstein

“How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.” Ronald Reagan

“Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.” Dave Barry