Quotes Episode 3: The Americans Strike Back

“In the final choice a soldier's pack is not so heavy as a prisoner's chains.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.” Dave Barry

“She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.” Pudd’nhead Wilson’s New Calendar

“If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.” Dave Barry

“I'll be glad to reply to or dodge your questions, depending on what I think will help our election most.” George H. W. Bush

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?” Albert Einstein

“I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.” Robert E. Lee

“If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.” Rush Limbaugh

“The New York Times editorial page is like a Ouija board that has only three answers, no matter what the question. The answers are: higher taxes, more restrictions on political speech and stricter gun control.” Ann Coulter

“I am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist. I am willing to fight for peace. Nothing will end war unless the people themselves refuse to go to war.” Albert Einstein

“No matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting.” Ronald Reagan

“Any man who wants to be president is either an egomaniac or crazy.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.” Ronald Reagan

“In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.” Dave Barry

“Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Liberal Democrats are inexorably opposed to tax cuts, because tax cuts give people more power, and take away from the role of government.” Rush Limbaugh

“Reason first: you are a Virginian and a Virginian ought to appear at the head of this business. Reason second: I am obnoxious, suspected and unpopular. You are very much otherwise. Reason third: You can write ten times better than I can.” John Adams giving his reasons why Jefferson and not he should write the Declaration of Independence

“You could afford your house without the government if it weren't for the government.” Rush Limbaugh

“Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead.” Dave Barry

“Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.” Ronald Reagan

“You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.” Rush Limbaugh

“I've always felt that a person's intelligence is directly reflected by the number of conflicting points of view he can entertain simultaneously on the same topic.” Abigail Adams

“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” Ronald Reagan

“I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

“There are persons whom in my heart I despise, others I abhor. Yet I am not obliged to inform the one of my contempt, nor the other of my detestation. This kind of dissimulation...is a necessary branch of wisdom, and so far from being immoral...that it is a duty and a virtue.” John Adams

“Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.” Dave Barry

“When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not guilty."” Theodore Roosevelt

“I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

“If we're so cruel to minorities, why do they keep coming here? Why aren't they sneaking across the Mexican border to make their way to the Taliban?” Ann Coulter

“It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.” Pudd’nhead Wilson’s New Calendar

“Posterity: you will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve your freedom. I hope you will make good use of it.” John Quincy Adams