Snarkism

I can't remember where I found this, but I love sarcasm, even if I still love the movies. (P&P3 is the new Pride and Prejudice, P&P2 is the A&E one)

"Top 10 Things We Can Learn" from P&P3.

1. Do not trust guys who look like replicas of Orlando Bloom – they’re bad news.

2. If a gentleman is very moody and restless, not to worry, he isn’t proud, but actually is in love with you.

3. Make sure not to wear any gloves when you are within touching distance of a tall, dark gentleman.

4. Keep your dear mother away from the liquor at balls.

5. If you feel embarrassed, humiliated, or angry, make sure to find a dark hallway to hide in.

6. It’s a good idea to visit great houses, and then run away when the owner catches you – it helps the courtship, you know.

7. Little sisters are the best way to catch a man.

8. Rolling around the mud and having billowy, wind-blown hair is very attractive.

9. Always get into fights with large, important women: you never know what’ll happen.

10. Make sure to take long walks on the misty moors at the wee hours of the morning. It’s always a good idea.

11. Gilding at every turn is neither gaudy nor uselessly fine.

12. To assure others you are an important man, one must have one's own bust in a room surrounded by great works of art.

13. If you're going to propose to a woman for a second time, it's wise to appear with chest hair showing- adds that extra little something.

14. To make a movie period appropriate to the 1790s, you must have your characters running around in their jammies.

15. If somebody knocks at your door in the middle of the night, beware, it must be Lady Catherine.

16. To assure others you are an important woman, one must show up at the door unannounced in the middle of the night and wake up the whole household.



“Top 10 Things we can learn” from P&P2

01. Watch those cousins in Kent - their wives may say they're not likely to leave Kent for some time, but when it is time to commiserate, said cousins will probably not trust the post and travel an entire day just to gloat at you in person.

02. When your uncle says he'll send a servant when you chance to the post, said servant will magically disappear before you're home. When you go from Kent to Hertfortshire, it is of course the most logical thing to do to pass London by and have your sister come home in a separate carriage - thus robbing your uncle of yet another manservant...

03. Try not to think about men whose offer of marriage you have refused, or their disembodied heads will haunt you forever (in coach windows, in mirrors...)

04. When you're a Bennet girl, you will never be nervous - your mothers shrieking about her nerves being torn into shreds will do away with any nerve (or eardrum) before you reach your majority.

05. The first thing you do after a long journey - riding ahead because you have urgent business with your steward - is to jump in a lake, get all soaked and spend precious hours with your visitors before you can finally take care of this urgent business...

06. Sisters never look alike.

07. When you find you have too few lines in the script, just go around yelling 'capital, capital' at every turn.

08. You will never get muddy or dusty walking outside, except when you walk to Netherfield and purposely hit the only puddle for miles around.

09. When a young man comes for your sister, it is best to leave them entirely alone, without chaperone, and sit around waiting for him to propose. Make sure you're as obvious as possible about it. (Mrs Bennet in the book is far more devious...)

10. And a bonus: do not ADR all instances where your voice breaks and please have spittle clearly showing after you've been crying over your sisters letter... And when you don't have enough ball footage, just slow-motion what you have. It looks silly, but it does fill the required time slot for the series.

11. Go around being snippy and sarcastic. People will call you a lively girl.

12. Men can change out of wet clothes really fast.