Story excerpt

This is from a light children's story I am writing, written mainly because I wanted to have Emma Darcy in a story.

The ORPERS’s headquarters was on top of the most inaccessible mountain in Wrangia. It also happened to be the tallest, but, as mountains do not get very high in Wrangia, this was not a frequently mentioned distinction. In fact, the Grenvilites, who are, of course, people from Grenveil, thought Antarask was a mere hill. But Grenvilites are known to be arrogant and say things that are quite wrong, from time to time. Judging from events, this was one of those times. For no mere hill can get as famous as Antarask, the headquarters of the famed Official Royal Princess Emergency Rescue Service, is.

It’s founder, Sant Jorja, once said that it was the most famous emergency service in the world. But Sant Jorja never left Ingilant, so his opinion is quite bogus. Besides, the fair-haired people of Rihen have never heard of ORPERS. That is true, my dear cohort. Not that they need to, though, for they are a despotic democracy. But ORPERS was quite renowned, and very important, too.

It is a globally known fact that princesses get captured. Globally, except for Rihen. That is true, my dear cohort, but you just said that. So globally known is this fact, that every year there is a seminar for princesses on The Art of Getting Captured Regally and Gracefully, at the most accessible point in the world: Antekarkta. Unfortunately, these princesses’ dear fathers are notably remiss in teaching their daughters how to escape. And since the universal reason for capturing a princess is to force her to marry your horrid son (if you have one) or your most evil baron, and therefore come into control of the royal crown, it is necessary that the princesses must escape. Another reason is to force a large ransom from the dear princesses’ fathers. Yes, my dear cohort, but I have already said there is only one reason, so you should be quiet and not bother my logic.

The escaping part is where ORPERS comes in. The average rate of carrier pigeons arriving at ORPERS HQ is about two a week, and no one has been inside but these pigeons. And they are quite tight-lipped about it. A matter of honor, they say. Yes, my dear cohort, but I wasn’t going to bring that up. The only evidence of ORPERS’ existence is the princesses’ carriages arriving back at their home castle within a month. Usually, though, they are recaptured in a few months, so apparently the ORPERS don’t try to lessen their business by a few lessons.

Exactly how the rescues work is an excellently kept secret. But one we are about to reveal! My dear cohort, yes, but you must stop stealing my thunder!