The world vs. my happiness
Sometimes I just look around and hate the world. Not a unique reaction, I know, but the usual reasons don't bother me. The selfishness, the immaturity, the ignorance, the intolerance—I can deal with those. But when the entire world seems to be united in a plot to make me go against my own happiness, well, it makes it a bit unbearable.
I've struggled with the idea of my future for as long as I can remember. There have been moments when I grasped onto professions that seemed interesting, and for a time considered pursuing them further. But as the choice grew nearer, they all faded from my interest quickly. I liked the ideas, but not nearly enough to spend years of time and money on them. There was no choice that I could see offered, from anyone, that seemed like it would make me happier than I was and am now.
And the world won't accept that. I'm a poor student, not even moved out yet, and I don't even have a basic college education. According to the world, I don't deserve to be happy yet. I haven't put down the money and achieved the American Dream. I'm just another apathetic young adult who needs a push in the right direction until this stage passes. Never mind that this stage has lasted for years, never mind that I wouldn't be disappointed if I never got past it. Because my happiness doesn't matter to the world unless it fits into the institutionalized mold.
I'm happy with the mundane in life, the ordinary everyday kind of living. My dream life would be a non-descript day job, and an evening and weekend life of reading, writing, cooking, and just living life. Nothing else. As long as I could live on the wage, I wouldn't even care what job it was; I think I could handle boring, and I know I could handle frugal. Most of all, I just want to live, and I can do that just fine the way I am now.
Maybe there would be logistic issues I can't see from where I am right now. I'm willing to deal with those as they come up. But no matter what the world says, I know that I don't need a lot to be happy. And instead of doing what everyone else does, I'm not going to work for a better future. Because I honestly can't see a road to a future better than the life I'm living now.
And I hate the world telling me, through every teacher and media outlet, that I shouldn't exist.
1 comment:
You have to chart your own life. You alone are responsible for it. Others may have different definitions of what "responsible" should be, but the only ones you have to please are yourself and God above.
Unfortunately for you, there will be those who will feel that you haven't made a "good" decision and "need" to tell you so. You'll just have to go with the flow and choose not be be angry about it.
As a parent, I am glad that you are so upfront about who you are and where you want to be. It sure beats wondering why you aren't "fitting the mold" ;)
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